UGH...Chemo SUCKS!!!!

May 30, 2006

June 2, 2007

It's Time to Fight

Oh, how I love this little guy, my little Brady. From the very first moment I saw him, I adored him. Now, it's three years later and I have no idea what I did before he came into our lives. He is truly a blessing. Three years ago, I wasn't sure we would all make it to this point, especially pregnant again, but we will be having another boy in about 2 months...YEAH! It's hard looking back because this was around the same time all hell broke loose when I was pregnant with Brady. The good thing is, I keep checking these boobs (and yes, they are HUGE again) but everything is clear...Thank God.

Brady was born on April 17, 2007, 5 weeks early. Everything went perfectly. He was even delivered by his Godmother, Ashley Cobb (she is an OB/GYN too...& she is delivering our 2nd boy in August). Brady was so healthy, he even came home with us...such a strong guy:). The only problem was I had to go back to surgery in a week for my lumpectomy and node removal. We had to do this to see if it had spread. Our first week together as a family was fabulous, except that I smelled like cabbage...I know, weird!! I, obviously, couldn't breast feed so I had to freeze out my milk and somebody told me to use frozen cabbage. Lovely!!

It was now time to go to surgery. It started out awesome (sarcasm) because I had to have dye injected into my NIPPLE...are you kidding...OUCH! To make it worse, I had a cute male nurse doing this procedure. They put me in a wheelchair and sat me in the middle of the waiting room. I have to say that was unpleasant, as you could imagine!! Finally, someone came to get me, put a hospital cap on my head, and wheeled me all over the hospital...I felt so strange. We got to the OR and, of course, they weren't ready for me, so he wheeled me back to the pre-op waiting room. It was now time to go to surgery...the last thing I remember was being wheeled into the OR and saying, "Is it snowing?" It was freezing. It was supposed to take a couple of hours, but for some reason it took about six...so, my husband was freaking out. He had no idea what was going on. They did a lumpectomy, node removal and port placement for chemo. I went to recovery and when I woke up, Damon was there. We waited for a little while, when the news came back that the cancer had NOT spread!! We were so ecstatic...all the cancer was gone. Now, it's time to go home and be with my husband and new baby to recover till chemo starts.

My Little Fighter...Brady Ryan

Now that I know I have cancer, what in the hell am I going to do now?!?! I know how very scary this can be, especially not knowing if it has spread or not. This is when "cancer patients" decide on their "team," (I never thought I would need a team to cure me of cancer). Interestingly, one of my best friend's dad started the breast cancer center in St. Louis. I met with him right away to discuss what to do. I was still pregnant at that time. That's when we decided to do a lumpectomy, unless it had spread, hard-core chemo, and radiation. We had discussed an oophorectomy (removal of ovaries=no more babies=BUMMER) because my cancer was progesterone+. Which means when my hormones are soaring during pregnancy, my cancer is growing faster. Lots of info and very discouraging. I then met with my oncologist to discuss basically the same thing. After all that, which seemed super exciting to go through...NOT, we decided we had to deliver Brady as soon as possible to start all this fun treatment. So, the following Monday I was in the hospital to deliver my little guy. Everything went perfectly...that little fighter was ready to go. He weighed 6lbs 9oz at 35 weeks, without any problems. He was PERFECT!! We stayed in the hospital for a few days. While we were there, we had a ton of visitors and fun...we forgot about all the stuff that was coming up in the next year. My husband read, "The Secret" to me while we were in the hospital. We were trying to be very positive. We knew that things would be different if it had spread to my lymph nodes. The important thing was that Brady was healthy and was able to come home with us!! We were so happy:)

The Diagnosis...Wa, Wa, Wa!!

There I was, minding my own pregnant business. I was so excited to be pregnant with my little baby boy. We were so prepared for this little guy. I was not the best pregnant person...I might have complained a little, but I was very excited. One huge (and when I say huge, I mean HUGE) complaint was my SIZE G boobs...disgusting!! I hated them...I think they were bigger than my belly. I remember complaining a lot about these things (if I only knew)!

I think I found the lump around 20 something weeks, but I didn't say anything because I thought it was just another annoying thing about these boobs!! I would have ignored it, but it grew so fast in such a short time. I started to freak out. I finally told my husband (an OB/GYN), and we told my doctor the following week. Here we go, lots of probing, poking, rubbing, cutting on this poor little (I mean...HUGE) boob!! My doctor felt the lump and said it felt large, so he sent me to get an ultrasound. This all started around 30 weeks. This guy reading the ultrasound had this look in his eyes like he saw a ghost...it made me a tad nervous. I left, called my husband and told him that I might have cancer...yikes. I went home and my husband showed up shortly after me...he was very upset. He said he talked to my doctor that told him that it was pretty much cancer. WOW...are you kidding me!! But, I'm pregnant. Talk about going into a downward spiral of thoughts. That was a Friday, the following Monday I was in another doctor's office getting a needle biopsy...NOT pleasant!! Now we wait, and wait, and wait...it felt like it took 2 months to hear back about the biopsy. Finally, it came back inconclusive...are you kidding...inconclusive!! Now what? I was about 33 weeks pregnant when I went in for a lumpectomy. I was so nervous about my little guy in my belly. This was going to be his first surgery, so they had to monitor his heartbeat throughout the surgery. We all made it out OK. Now we wait, and wait, and wait to hear the results. Again, it felt like forever! Finally, my worst nightmare was happening...it came back as Stage II breast cancer. Stupid boob!!!! The only thing we did not know, was if it had spread to my lymph nodes. We had to deliver the baby (Brady) first before we could do that surgery. I was still very excited to have a baby, I was just so worried about him being OK being delivered early, and if I was going to live to be his mom. I had such awful thoughts of him growing up without me...I thought for sure I wasn't going to make it. When you hear that you have "cancer," you think, I'm DEAD! This is it!!

Survivor!!

So, today, is my first official post. I am a 3 year breast cancer survivor and I have been trying to figure out a way to help other people who have been diagnosed or have a friend, loved one, or just someone close to them diagnosed with such a devastating disease. Three years ago, my life was perfect...so I thought. I was married to an amazing man, pregnant with my first baby and working for a great company. Then, SMACK, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 35 weeks in my pregnancy (and 35 years old). Hello...you are not supposed to get breast cancer while you are pregnant!! At that moment, I wanted (needed) someone to talk to about the journey I was about to embark on...called survival!!!! Anyway, I am now 3 years (and 2 months) out of that dark moment in my life (and pregnant again) . I'm not sure if I will be able to help anyone, or if anyone will even read this, but I'm going to try. I know how difficult treatment is (with a newborn!!) and all the worries that go along with this diagnosis. I think this will also be therapeutic for me, too.

It's official, I'm a "blogger"!